It's cyber-dead to me

Toad.

2009-04-20T11:46:00.000-07:00

Listening to the Adicts, which I haven't done in a while, I guess because I've been listening to a lot of Jay Reatard, and oh oh oh oh how influential the droogs' sound.

My job is in shambles. The school board really wants the intelligentsia to suffer.

Administrative Assistant M.O., mail with college name in my mailbox, whether or not it's actually addressed to someone else. Next step, chastising for not knowing better.

I'll bring her flowers for my birthday.

It's 1435

2008-12-11T11:37:00.000-08:00

The thing is no one reads signs, no one does what they're supposed to and even if you lay it all out in a single dimension, there will still be someone who doesn't understand the simple.

Everyone is so full of shit and hot air and themselves. I guess I could be cast among them.

Bigger than Jesus

2008-11-24T07:15:00.000-08:00

The Vatican has posthumously pardoned John Lennon.

It turns out, after all these years, The Beatles really *are* bigger than Jesus:

"
The fact remains that 38 years after breaking up, the songs of the Lennon-McCartney brand have shown an extraordinary resistance to the passage of time, becoming a source of inspiration for more than one generation of pop musicians..."

Also bigger than Jesus, Miley Cyrus and recently, Barack Obama.

So. On my list of "mortal sins" which the Vatican has committed, I can cross off:
-Denying the Holocaust
-Excommunicating Lennon

Okay Papa. You're off the cyber-dead list and onto life-support.
Let's hear an apology for those few centuries of minor Inquisitions, an open acknowledgement that men of the cloth sometimes favor little children in place of celibacy and I'll consider redeeming the Holy Empire entirely.

Techno and Technology Tabs

2008-11-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

It's a Tuesday schedule on a Monday. I can't advise the college-bound because there's not enough money in this week to afford two days of duty and a key workshop on financial aid.

I'm not in the mood to focus on GRE preparations, so I shoot for Onion. DENIED. Gawker. DENIED. Slate is accessible, but Web Nannies are cyber-dead to me now. The technology that scans Websites for the f word and other non-educational macros is obnoxious. I understand why we can't access the my/face in school, but seriously, The Onion? That's America's finest news source.
Also black-listed is Toothpaste for dinner. Fortunately, Married to the Sea isn't yet popular enough among Miami high schoolers to warrant an X-STOP, but that don' mean it's not on its way.

Additionally, the students in this computer science class are way too into house. I'm not f-d up enough to appreciate the genre's subtleties (is there no sweeter sound than a throbbing siren?), and I'm pretty sure they're not either, so I plug in head phones to avoid a confrontational muzak war. House/techno, you're dead to me too.

We like your candy, but not your politics

2008-11-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

Halloween.
The homeowner in the McMansion with the McPalin signs in his yard is passing out saucer sized lollies that run about $10 a pop. Buying votes.

A family crosses the street to our 1948 run-down home featuring 3 CHANGE signs, one for each vote in the household.
"we like your candy [fun-size kit-kats, york peppermint patties and butterfinger crisps] but not your politics," the mother sneers.

So I reach into her kids' sacks of treats and pull out handfuls of candy.
Redistribute the wealth.

Nobody likes taxes

2008-10-15T18:12:00.000-07:00

Is Joe the Plumber the same dude as Joe Sixpack?
Because if he is, I would like Johnny Boy to know that not everyone is like Joe the Plumber. And to that point, in Joe the Plumber's small business, how many jobs is he really going to create? Three? Four? I mean, is he going up against Roto-Rooter?

Trench Warfare

2008-10-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

I was 16 when I read a quote in an Aspen newspaper describing school funds:

School finance is like a Russian novel. Long, boring and in the end, everyone dies.

Exactement, lady.

This is my employment situation analogized by a trip to the supermarket. In this analogy, I am the vendor, i.e., I am providing services. The school is the consumer who hired me under the premise that I would be paid a certain amount.

Vendor: Your total for the month comes to $3,000
Consumer: Whoops. I only have $1,200.

Hello Miami-Dade County Public Schools "System" (System, implying organized interacting entities). You're cyber-dead to me.

Grotesque Vagaries

2008-07-07T15:31:00.000-07:00

Dees fortovchoo lie, vee votched a vonderfall choh ovseefireverks.

May cosine vas dere, ve sat on seabeach and ve tohlkta botey slauff, may ohntay vas dere, ve tohlkta bote may ohn, und vit may ohncle I tohlkta bote may deesahpohnt mant vit ze choses wit faze may een zeespoliticolmacht sheen.

May papah vas dere veesees nows queeze, chee ovakind deespohsee sjohn und braytmand.
Also may mamah vas dere.

Ees stranje sing for may tochave habit ovfind eenso macht of maypar entseen mayselve.

Een I sinktat sohmtaym ees ohnlay day ones vatahr gohnsat canon derstand may. Day vatahr noh mahrsen lohvdans een may mand, dem vatahns fune rollave votched.

Night terrors

2008-07-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

Once I could discuss the semantics of horror and terror.

Now, I only wake up in terror from the horror of an uncanny dream where I wonder what other people know about me as I sit topless behind Jon Stewart's desk reporting all the news that's fit to parody on the Daily Show, including the "white stuff" found on Mars, which in all scientific probability is just ice--not a certain substance which would indicate not that there was life on Mars, rather, nightlife on Mars.

So this one is for the Daily Show writers. You are all dead to me now.

I win at Life.

2008-06-05T15:43:00.000-07:00

Not Monopoly. Life.

'Twas confirmed in a course evaluation. I cite the great social experiment.

Just try to get out of here without meeting me.